Thursday, November 3, 2011

being a mother

 * these pictures are from our first family walk last week when the weather was so crisp and fall like. how cool do viktor and i look next to Audrey's stroller? such parents :)

I have really grown to love little Audrey! She is still so small and tiny, but already a little bigger than when she was born. Sometimes when she stretches after waking up, she looks so long! :) And i cant believe its already been 2 weeks.. the days really blur together when you're dealing with an infant, there is no day or night, just feeding every couple hours :)

It has been a hard, painful, beautiful, sleep deprived, peaceful, busy, full of learning, and so full of love couple of weeks. It has been hard to learn to be selfless and accept the fact that i will be living on less sleep from now on. The first couple of days i would dread the night coming because i knew i would have to get up a couple of times throughout it and feed Audrey. But somehow, now its fine! I don't know if i got used to it, or just got used to taking random naps throughout the day.

It has been a bit painful to recover from the c-section surgery, and to learn to take it slow and not try to do too much walking (like my shopping trip a couple days ago, kind of a mistake.. i was walking all bent over like a grandma by the time i was done)  
It has been beautiful to watch this little girl be alive and outside of my womb.. I still cant believe it that she was just inside of me, and now i get to hold her and she gets to look at me. It feels so beautiful when she looks into my eyes as im feeding her. It has been so busy trying to figure out how to structure my day so that i have time for eating in the morning (actually who am i kidding, i get up around 10 to feed her and then usually go back to sleep for a couple more hours) It has been a learning experience to figure out when to wash the dishes, do laundry, eat, and make sure Kitsya is feeling part of the family by petting her and playing with her throughout the day as well. But it has also been so peaceful around here, at first i would just try to feed the baby and put her to sleep as soon as possible so that i could do all the things on my to do list. But i realized that im missing out on her growing up! So now i have decided to spend more time just kissing her, playing with her a little, talking to her, touching her soft skin and hearing her make noises. And hanging out with my baby is so nice :)

Viktor has been such a good daddy, i love watching him hold Audrey and talk to her and kiss her with his scruffy beard. It has been so nice that he has been home for this whole time, and still has a couple more days off. 

Suddenly being a mother is so fascinating. I cant grasp it yet, im the same person, but at the same time there is so much more to me now. Im responsible for this little person, to raise her, to feed her and make sure she feels loved by our family. Its a big task, but along with viktor i think we can do it.


Irina said...

This is so touching..:) sounds like youve grown and learned a lot, even in a few short weeks..i am proud of you sister, and at the same time I still can't believe youre a mama now..:) such a beautiful essing.. U and viktor look very parental-like:) and Audrey is all bundled up and cute as a button..

Christina'Marie said...

super cute stroller! she looks so warm & cozy bundled up ;)

Kae said...

awe. look how cozy she is!