Thursday, November 24, 2011

What i am thankful for

1. sleeping babies! first of all they are so cute looking, and second, they give me free time!
2. Fisher Price snugabunny swing. Oh my i love this thing. Before we bought it (about a week ago) Audrey would only sleep in my arms all night long. now she's sleeping for like 5 hours!
3. a warm home
4. being able to cuddle with my husband in bed
5. family that wants to spend the holidays together
6. my little Audrey

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Wednesday letters

Dear baby Audrey,
im starting to learn your little signals. im pretty sure that when you suck on your hand it means you're hungry...

Dear nailpolish,
yesterday i only had time to put you on one hand before the babe woke up!

Dear life lately,
you have been pretty hard on us, with sleep deprivation being on top of the list. There must be a light at the end of the tunnel though, right?

Dear husband,
it was so nice to sleep in the same bed with you this weekend while my mom watched Audrey. Here's to crazy ideas to drive to Portland in the middle of the night!

Dear restaurants,
i miss you.

Dear little family of mine,
i love us. And i loved us all napping together in bed last night. (including Kitsya)

Thursday, November 10, 2011

lots of walks with the bebik lately!

 Today i ventured out for a walk to Starbucks, just me and Audrey. It felt so nice to just get out of the house and breathe the fresh air. It has been a sleepless couple days and nights, and its been a bit hard on me.. but going for a walk made me feel so much better. 
The picture of Kitsya is her sleeping on her favorite new place, on top of a tall glass cabinet in our living room. Also does anyone recognize the blanket covering Audrey in the stroller? Its the one i made, it feels great to use it!

Monday, November 7, 2011


Lately Ive been singing this song to Audrey as i put her to sleep. Its such a nice song and brings happy tears to my eyes when i think about how nice life is right now and what the future can bring.

How could i ask for more 
Theres nothing like the warmth of a summer afternoon
Waking to the sunlight and being cradled by the moon
Catching fireflies at night
Building castles in the sand
Kissing mama's face goodnight and holding daddy's hand
Thank you Lord, how could i ask for more

Running barefoot in the grass
a little hide and go seek
Being so in love, that you can hardly eat
Dancing in the dark
When there's no one else around
Being bundled 'neath the covers, watching snow fall to the ground
Thank you Lord, how could i ask for more

So many things i thought would bring me happiness
Some dreams that are realities today
Such an irony the things that mean the most to me
Are the memories that Ive made along the way
So if there's anything ive learned
On this journey i am on
Simple truth will keep you going
Simple love will keep you strong
Cuz there are questions without answers
Flames that never die
Heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise
Thank you Lord, how could i ask for more

i love my little baby. even when she is fussy and wont fall asleep, or wakes up too much at night... even when she is eating too fast and it keeps dribbling down her chin... i love her when she cries, and i desperately want to fix whatever is wrong.
I love my husband. i love that he can stay up late at night sometimes and feed and put Audrey to sleep while i rest... i love that he calls her "dotsya" and kisses her all over her little face... i love that he is so happy and positive at the times when im stressed out and tired. he is an amazing man and i thank god for him.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

being a mother

 * these pictures are from our first family walk last week when the weather was so crisp and fall like. how cool do viktor and i look next to Audrey's stroller? such parents :)

I have really grown to love little Audrey! She is still so small and tiny, but already a little bigger than when she was born. Sometimes when she stretches after waking up, she looks so long! :) And i cant believe its already been 2 weeks.. the days really blur together when you're dealing with an infant, there is no day or night, just feeding every couple hours :)

It has been a hard, painful, beautiful, sleep deprived, peaceful, busy, full of learning, and so full of love couple of weeks. It has been hard to learn to be selfless and accept the fact that i will be living on less sleep from now on. The first couple of days i would dread the night coming because i knew i would have to get up a couple of times throughout it and feed Audrey. But somehow, now its fine! I don't know if i got used to it, or just got used to taking random naps throughout the day.

It has been a bit painful to recover from the c-section surgery, and to learn to take it slow and not try to do too much walking (like my shopping trip a couple days ago, kind of a mistake.. i was walking all bent over like a grandma by the time i was done)  
It has been beautiful to watch this little girl be alive and outside of my womb.. I still cant believe it that she was just inside of me, and now i get to hold her and she gets to look at me. It feels so beautiful when she looks into my eyes as im feeding her. It has been so busy trying to figure out how to structure my day so that i have time for eating in the morning (actually who am i kidding, i get up around 10 to feed her and then usually go back to sleep for a couple more hours) It has been a learning experience to figure out when to wash the dishes, do laundry, eat, and make sure Kitsya is feeling part of the family by petting her and playing with her throughout the day as well. But it has also been so peaceful around here, at first i would just try to feed the baby and put her to sleep as soon as possible so that i could do all the things on my to do list. But i realized that im missing out on her growing up! So now i have decided to spend more time just kissing her, playing with her a little, talking to her, touching her soft skin and hearing her make noises. And hanging out with my baby is so nice :)

Viktor has been such a good daddy, i love watching him hold Audrey and talk to her and kiss her with his scruffy beard. It has been so nice that he has been home for this whole time, and still has a couple more days off. 

Suddenly being a mother is so fascinating. I cant grasp it yet, im the same person, but at the same time there is so much more to me now. Im responsible for this little person, to raise her, to feed her and make sure she feels loved by our family. Its a big task, but along with viktor i think we can do it.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

right now

Im having such a sweet moment right now... the lights are dim in the home, pandora music is quietly playing... the hum of the dryer is in the background... Kitsya is laying next to me as im bouncing the babe on my lap.... the babe is making little cooing noises as she is falling asleep... and im typing this with one finger.. and im loving this moment.

ill write more later and share how these past 2 weeks have been going :) 

(2 weeks already??? Oh my!)